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About Facilitated Mentoring
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What qualities make someone a good mentor What does it mean to have a mentoring "style"? What qualities make someone a good mentee? What does it mean for a mentee to have a "learning style"? How often should partners meet? What is the lifespan of a mentoring relationship? How are difficult situations handled? How does the relationship end?
The word mentor comes from Greek mythology. Mentor was an adviser whom Odysseus put in charge of his son, Telemachus. A mentor is often someone who has "been there and done that" and who is sharing that experience and wisdom with someone who is new to the field. One who acts in this role with another less experienced person is mentoring them. The mentor's primary role is to act as a guide, sponsor, coach and confidant. Creating an environment of honesty, respect, confidentiality and trust assures the mentee that it is "safe" to explore ideas and learning opportunities that may seem risky or unfamiliar. A mentor can help the mentee learn new skills, strengthen areas that are challenging, offer a listening and empathetic ear, and maybe even give advice. A mentor's role is to help his or her mentee establish and achieve personal or professional goals.
Mentors come from a variety of disciplines and backgrounds and bring a wide range of skills and experiences to their mentoring relationships. Generally, good mentors are thought to have the following qualities:
There are a variety of ways that a mentor can assist a mentee with achieving their goals. None of them should be considered to be "the right way" and all of them can be useful throughout the mentoring relationship depending on the situation.
A coach is one who facilitates another's learning or growth through inquiry, encouragement and self-reflection. A coach is often trained not to provide answers or advice, but to ask a series of questions and facilitate discussion that assists the mentee with determining their own course of action
An advisor is one who uses his or her own experience and knowledge to give the mentee advice on how to solve a problem, address a challenge or achieve their goal. A mentor can be helpful in this way by sharing what they know.
Another way to mentor is by allowing the mentee to shadow the mentor at meetings, professional networking events, or other work-related sessions. Sometimes, mentees learn a great deal by observing professional interactions to which they are not otherwise privy. Encouraging the mentee to observe and to follow-up later with questions further strengthens the learning experience. Sometimes, the most important way to help a mentee is to listen. We all need to feel heard and often those with less experience in a work setting are the ones with much insight and little opportunity to exercise it. Allowing a mentee to share what is on their mind first, before providing feedback through observation, encouragement or constructive questions can be a mentor's gift. A mentee's role is to clearly state their goals and objectives for the process and to allow their mentor to help them work toward those goals. Successful mentees also solicit feedback and find ways to further develop targeted skills between meetings with their mentor. In a mentee-driven relationship such as the one described here, it is the mentee's responsibility to ask for the help they need, establish their own goals and be open to the wisdom and assistance they will receive from their mentor. A mentee is also expected to create a relationship based on trust, confidentiality and honesty.
Mentees come from a variety of backgrounds and have a variety of needs and expectations. However, it is generally true that in order to have a successful and satisfying mentoring experience, mentees benefit from having the following qualities:
Everyone learns differently; some record information visually (visual), some learn better by "doing" (kinesthetic), while others retain information better when it is shared verbally(auditory). It is helpful for mentees set aside a little time to reflect on how they learn best and to provide this information to their mentor. A mentor who can take this into account when working with their mentee on a new learning area can have greater assurance that the message will be received in a productive manner. For example, if a mentee learns best by listening and doing, then a mentor might explain how to make a presentation and then let the mentee create a draft on their own. The mentee can then share the draft with the mentor and get feedback that helps them understand where they might make changes or consider alternatives. You can find several websites with information about learning styles by typing "learning styles" into your favorite search engine. A learning style assessment tool is available through North Carolina State University at http://www.engr.ncsu.edu/learningstyles/ilsweb.html.
Mentors and mentees should meet as often as they like. Some find that meeting once a month is reasonable given their busy schedules while others may choose to meet more frequently. Although face to face meetings are usually more personal, it may be easier to mix meeting over the phone with in-person meetings. Partners may also wish to create an "open-door policy" whereby each partner is encouraged to contact the other at any time between meetings by telephone or email. Partners are encouraged to discuss and agree on how they would like to communicate at their first meeting. Partners may also choose to meet formally for "business" meetings and informally to attend events together as part of the mentoring or shadowing experience. Ultimately, this mentee-driven program design leaves it up to the pair to decide what is in its best interests. Both parties to the partnership should feel comfortable with negotiating the terms of their agreement or changing the terms if need be.
While some mentoring relationships last a lifetime, it is the exception rather than the rule. Most often program lengths run from six months to two years. It is recommended that a good program length is one full year. In this way, the relationship can proceed through 12-months of activity in the professional life of the mentee and provide adequate time for the pair to develop a bond as well as to be able to significantly work through the mentee's goals and objectives.
The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is based in misunderstandings around expectations, roles and goals. The more you can help your participants understand each of these and how they fit in, the fewer conflicts you may have. This is one of the key reasons that a well-planned training session is important. Remind your participants that it can take a great deal of courage to ask for clarification or to re-visit some things that one of them may assume are implicit, but it is better to risk embarrassment than to create communication gaps that are difficult to overcome. Encourage your participants to work through difficult situations together rather than to have you intercede. Your involvement should be reserved for the "worst-case scenario" in which your partners are unable to bridge a difficult situation on their own. Relationships can be strengthened through working a problem through together. This is a learning experience, and challenge has as much to offer for learning as success. If you must intercede, be as sensitive to confidentiality as possible. Try not to get in the middle, but encourage them to talk their concerns through together. It may be necessary for you to be available to facilitate a mutually beneficial conclusion.
In a facilitated mentoring program, there is usually a celebration or graduation event to officially mark the end of the mentoring period. While some pairs may choose to continue meeting in the future, once they have completed the designated program time they are on their own. Most often formalized mentoring relationships end with partners remaining colleagues but without the responsibilities or roles attached to the mentoring relationship. It is best to prepare for and to mark the end of the formal relationship so that expectations for future interactions can be discussed if necessary and a successful transition can be made. Program facilitators are encouraged to hold a small graduation ceremony with all the participants and any other appropriate staff members, organizing committee members etc. The ceremony might include:
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